A THIN BOOK OF 'FAT' POEMSA Poetic Journey from Self-Sabotage to Self-Love & Freedom |
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More than just poetry, it is a journey of humor, wisdom, and self-discovery that will make you laugh, reflect, and uncover your own strength.
In 2001, I was recovering from two surgeries, weak and unable to get out of bed. My ex-husband was in the house but offered no help. Later, I would learn from a domestic violence counselor that neglect and exploitation are forms of abuse. But at the time, I only felt one thing--invisible.
As the days passed, I kept pushing forward, raising three small children on my own, while still being exploited. When exhaustion hit, or when the familiar feelings of worthlessness crept in, I reached for chocolate. Why couldn’t I, someone who was once strong and confident, now find the courage to stand up for myself, to stop numbing my bitter emotions with sweet poisons, to finally reclaim my worth? In desperation, I called a close friend, hoping for comfort. Instead, he told me, "You don’t believe you deserve to be loved or successful—that’s why you are where you are."
That broke me. I had spent years repeating affirmations, visualizations, and meditations. I had dreams taped to my mirror, written as if they were already real. If belief was the key to success, then why hadn’t I changed? And what if I could never truly change my beliefs? The thought terrified me. What if my friend was right? What if I was doomed for life?
That night, with the weight of failure pressing on me, I fell asleep. At 2 a.m., I woke up. Or at least, I thought I did—I remember the glow of the clock. And suddenly, in front of me, I saw her. A funny-looking, whimsical lady in a purple dress. She looked at me with curiosity and said: "They say one must believe to succeed… but if that’s true, how is it that I DIDN’T BELIEVE I would gain weight, yet I succeeded? I’m fat!"
I burst into laughter. For the first time, I looked at myself not with disgust, but with compassion. My struggles with overeating, toxic relationships, and self-sabotage suddenly felt… light. I stopped fighting myself and, instead, I let it all become a play. When I later asked for her name, she shrugged and said, "LILA." I was stunned—Lila was what my family in Poland had called me as a child. Curious, I searched for the meaning of the name and discovered its many roots that aligned with what my life and my art had been about. But the Sanskrit meaning struck me the most: LILA means "Divine Play"—the idea that creation itself is not about struggle, but about the playful nature of the Divine.
This whimsical figure—this messenger—became both my Mirror and my Guide, teaching me to stop resisting change and instead embrace it with playfulness, self-love, and freedom.
This book is what followed. It holds the poems that were whispered to me after I poured my frustrations, confusions, and pleas for help into my journal. People will credit me for these healing, funny, and vulnerable poems, but to me, they are the whispers of LILA—the inner child hidden behind addiction and self-sabotage, AND the wise woman--a GIFT of DIVINE PLAY.
In 2011, I changed the locks on my door and became free. On 12.12.2012, I gave up sugar for life. No, I don't feel deprived. On the contrary, I feel more fulfilled than ever. I have purpose. I want to share this light that was given to me with anyone who can benefit or relate to my story.
I am now 60 pounds lighter (I never mastered my belief that I would lose weight!), and with a heart 30 years younger (tested by a cardiovascular surgeon).
If you ever need encouragement, please read my poem "No Longer Room for Stones": "I cannot change how tall I am, but I CAN change how tall I stand. I cannot change how old I am, but I CAN change how young I feel..." …whispered to me by LILA.
I now believe she exists within all of us, reminding us of what we often forget.
I only hope your LILA will look a little more like a wise old monk than my LILA does! (:-)
— Liliana Kohann
As the days passed, I kept pushing forward, raising three small children on my own, while still being exploited. When exhaustion hit, or when the familiar feelings of worthlessness crept in, I reached for chocolate. Why couldn’t I, someone who was once strong and confident, now find the courage to stand up for myself, to stop numbing my bitter emotions with sweet poisons, to finally reclaim my worth? In desperation, I called a close friend, hoping for comfort. Instead, he told me, "You don’t believe you deserve to be loved or successful—that’s why you are where you are."
That broke me. I had spent years repeating affirmations, visualizations, and meditations. I had dreams taped to my mirror, written as if they were already real. If belief was the key to success, then why hadn’t I changed? And what if I could never truly change my beliefs? The thought terrified me. What if my friend was right? What if I was doomed for life?
That night, with the weight of failure pressing on me, I fell asleep. At 2 a.m., I woke up. Or at least, I thought I did—I remember the glow of the clock. And suddenly, in front of me, I saw her. A funny-looking, whimsical lady in a purple dress. She looked at me with curiosity and said: "They say one must believe to succeed… but if that’s true, how is it that I DIDN’T BELIEVE I would gain weight, yet I succeeded? I’m fat!"
I burst into laughter. For the first time, I looked at myself not with disgust, but with compassion. My struggles with overeating, toxic relationships, and self-sabotage suddenly felt… light. I stopped fighting myself and, instead, I let it all become a play. When I later asked for her name, she shrugged and said, "LILA." I was stunned—Lila was what my family in Poland had called me as a child. Curious, I searched for the meaning of the name and discovered its many roots that aligned with what my life and my art had been about. But the Sanskrit meaning struck me the most: LILA means "Divine Play"—the idea that creation itself is not about struggle, but about the playful nature of the Divine.
This whimsical figure—this messenger—became both my Mirror and my Guide, teaching me to stop resisting change and instead embrace it with playfulness, self-love, and freedom.
This book is what followed. It holds the poems that were whispered to me after I poured my frustrations, confusions, and pleas for help into my journal. People will credit me for these healing, funny, and vulnerable poems, but to me, they are the whispers of LILA—the inner child hidden behind addiction and self-sabotage, AND the wise woman--a GIFT of DIVINE PLAY.
In 2011, I changed the locks on my door and became free. On 12.12.2012, I gave up sugar for life. No, I don't feel deprived. On the contrary, I feel more fulfilled than ever. I have purpose. I want to share this light that was given to me with anyone who can benefit or relate to my story.
I am now 60 pounds lighter (I never mastered my belief that I would lose weight!), and with a heart 30 years younger (tested by a cardiovascular surgeon).
If you ever need encouragement, please read my poem "No Longer Room for Stones": "I cannot change how tall I am, but I CAN change how tall I stand. I cannot change how old I am, but I CAN change how young I feel..." …whispered to me by LILA.
I now believe she exists within all of us, reminding us of what we often forget.
I only hope your LILA will look a little more like a wise old monk than my LILA does! (:-)
— Liliana Kohann
A Thin Book of Fat Poems is a deeply vulnerable, yet at times hilarious, journey of discovering our inner worth. It will motivate you, inspire you, and it WILL make your journey LIGHTER!
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WHAT READERS ARE SAYING ABOUT A 'THIN' BOOK OF FAT POEMS
💡 "This is the MOST UNIQUE GIFT I could've found! Your book gives strength, inspiration, and hope. My friends were so grateful to me!"
—Amy Lauders (Excerpt from a letter to the author) 💡 "We were looking for a UNIQUE GIFT for our friend. This book is it! It is like a cross between Rumi, Shel Silverstein, and something else entirely—because Liliana's writing is so vulnerable. The unexpected twists at the end of many poems just hit you right in your heart." —Chris & Anne Bordinelli 💡 "If you loved Dr. Seuss as a child, you will love this book as an adult." —Amazon Reviews 💡 "Liliana’s style of writing (and drawing) is simple, direct, and has a wonderful childlike quality—yet the WISDOM in these poems is PROFOUND and psychologically sophisticated. I especially recall a day when Liliana was reciting one of her poems, and the thought that kept running through my mind was: ✨ This is Dr. SEUSS for ADULTS! ✨" —Linda Leftwitch, Ph.D. 💡 "Her simple yet profound poems feel like a friend's whisper, reminding us to honor and embrace our unique souls." —Sheila Ellison, Bestselling Author 💡 "The book is by my bed. When I feel down or discouraged, I open it at a random place, and I always discover new layers of wisdom and inspiration." —Katie Allison |
✨ The Meaning of LILA
In my search for the meaning of LILA, I discovered that across cultures, it holds many beautiful meanings. Each of these meanings speaks to playfulness, transformation, and connection—the very essence of the shift that this funny character in a purple dress brought into my journey, my poetry, and my path to self-discovery. In Hebrew & Arabic: night, beauty, and mystery, embracing the wisdom found in darkness ("And the Darkness Spoke"). In Persian & German: a symbol of delicate beauty and grace, much like the color purple—blending warmth and depth. In Polish: "of the people," reminding us of our shared human experience.
LILA is also a Sanskrit word meaning "Divine Play". It is a reminder that life is not just struggle but a dance of creation, discovery, and transformation. It is the art of embracing the unknown with wonder. Like children at play, we are invited to let go of fear, to laugh, to heal, and to step into the unfolding story of our lives with curiosity and courage.
LILA is both the Messenger and the Mirror—whispering wisdom while reflecting what we need to see.
This book is part of that sacred play. 💛
LILA is also a Sanskrit word meaning "Divine Play". It is a reminder that life is not just struggle but a dance of creation, discovery, and transformation. It is the art of embracing the unknown with wonder. Like children at play, we are invited to let go of fear, to laugh, to heal, and to step into the unfolding story of our lives with curiosity and courage.
LILA is both the Messenger and the Mirror—whispering wisdom while reflecting what we need to see.
This book is part of that sacred play. 💛
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